Dating as Christian adults can sometimes feel complicated. Christian dating doesn’t have to be felt this way if we are willing to be obedient and allow God to guide us. First, before you get back out there into this world of dating it’s important for you to self-assess yourself and your relationship with Christ. As a recommendation, develop a strong relationship with Christ before you start looking to get into a relationship with someone else. If you don’t have a strong relationship with God then you will most likely put him on the back burner when you begin to date. But let’s say you do have an amazing relationship with Christ, then the rest of the article is just for you. As Christians, you need to set dating boundaries. Once you have your boundaries in place Christian dating doesn’t have to feel so difficult at times.
You are going to learn three ways how to not compromise your faith in Christian dating. Whether you choose to use Christian dating sites, a Christian dating app or read Christian dating books. Say it with me, Christian dating boundaries are needed, especially as we are learning and growing in God.
Sometimes when we are in our season of singleness we yearn for that companion. We want to get married and settle down, finally meet “The One”, right? Usually, in the very beginning, God reveals to us why it may not work out with this individual. Except, we choose to follow our “heart” and not what God says. Before you get into the 3 tips below, remember throughout this process continue to be led by the holy spirit.
Christian Dating Advice #1 :
Ask Questions
The best Christian dating advice or dating advice in general is to ask questions. You should ask as many questions as possible. Especially about God because that will help you weed out the counterfeit men, and only left with the Godly man. That is like having a perfectly squared box but still trying to fit a long rectangle in the box. It just won’t work. This is why you must determine whether you are equally yoked with the person you are interested in.
1 Corinthians 15:33
Don’t be fooled by those who say such things because bad company corrupts good character.
Don’t entertain dating someone that can lead you to go astray from Christ. Ask yourself, is this person pushing me closer to God? Are they challenging me to walk with Christ? Or are they draining me and pulling me away from Christ? A perfect example of this is, that you’re constantly thinking about them or talking to them when you notice you begin to neglect your time with God. Now you’re probably thinking, that’s not then pulling me away from God, it’s me, my fault. Not true, if this person is pulling you closer towards God they may want to talk scripture with you, challenge you with the word, or want to have bible study with you. Your conversations will always be God-based.
Questions to ask
- What does your devotional time look like?
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- This is important because you need to know what quality time with God looks like to them. You want someone that is falling in love with Jesus.
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- Do you drink or smoke?
- What are your values according to the word? Not your flesh.
Next, when you’re trying to get to know someone, make sure that their values align with your values. For example, your lifestyle. Let’s say you don’t drink or smoke and you prefer your potential spouse to have the same values. Why do you ask? Because that is a part of your life that you truly value. Again, self-assess yourself, and make a list of things that you value so you know what questions to ask.
Christian Dating Advice # 2 :
Assess yourself
Next, look at their lifestyle. Do their actions align with the word of God or what they have told you about themselves? An example would be cursing, and using foul language. You can add this to the list of questions.
- Do you feel like it’s okay to curse? Or do you curse?
- Write a list of things that you value.
- What is your denomination? Do you want them to have the same denomination?
- Do they believe that Jesus died on the cross for our sins and rose 3 days later?
- What does your devotional time look like?
- What does their devotional time look like?
- Do you want marriage, and do they want marriage?
- Would you like to have children? Are they on the same page?
Take some time and write down your core values, you’ll be surprised what things you truly value. Once you have a list you may even recognize why past relationships didn’t work out based on the values that you have listed.
You will be surprised by the type of answers you will receive.
Christian Dating Advice #3 :
Ask God
After you assess yourself, ask questions, and they pass with flying colors. That’s not it, there is still one important piece. This is the most important step, which is to Ask God. Just because they answered your questions perfectly, and share the same values, doesn’t necessarily mean you should begin dating them. Ask God for confirmation, and he will surely give it to you.
Many times we move without God’s permission and his permission is key. Don’t be afraid if you hear the Holy Spirit tell you no. Have you heard the Holy Spirit tell you No, and you stayed anyway? The outcome was most likely not the best and you may have ended up hurt, or just in chaos, right? The reason it’s so important to seek him is that the heart is deceitful.
Jeremiah 17: 9-10
The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it? I the Lord search the heart, I try the reins, even to give every man according to his ways, and according to the fruit of his doings.
If you’re willing to ask God for confirmation, you must be open to hearing from him. Don’t ask and then ignore him when it’s not the answer you want to hear. This step may be the hardest for some, depending on where you are in Christ and how you can tell your flesh no.
If you are willing, when you are waiting to hear a confirmation from the Lord, fast and pray. The best way to tell your flesh no is through prayer and fasting.
Joel 2:12-13
“Even now,” declares the LORD, “return to me with all your heart, with fasting and weeping and mourning.” Rend your heart and not your garments. Return to the LORD your God, for he is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and abounding in love, and he relents from sending calamity.
Take away message:
Now that you have made it to the end, the takeaway message we want you to take is to never compromise. The moment you begin to compromise you are not only putting yourself at risk to get hurt but you are putting your relationship with God at risk. Going forward, constantly assess your values and make sure your values are in alignment with God’s word, and theirs too. Don’t ever settle or compromise your faith for a potential individual to date. The key point I hope you take away from this post is not to compromise your faith for a little bit of comfort.
Remember
When God says no it’s his way of protecting us even when we don’t see it. Think about a parent telling their child to not climb on a rocky hill and suggest going up the stairs because they may fall, and the child does it anyway because it’s a shortcut to the top. They fall, get hurt, and may even try again because it may “take too long” to go the other way. The other way is waiting on God, yielding, and submitting to his no. And once you get that yes from God, make sure to keep him in the middle of it. Don’t neglect him. God is a jealous God and no one should ever come before him. If you pull away from him, he will cause that thing that pulled you from him to disappear.
We must seek and ask God for the spirit of discernment. How do we get the spirit of discernment? We must simply ask God, but along with that, we must cut out all the noise. By noise I mean, Facebook, Twitter, secular music, and spending all your extra-curricular activities with God. We must get close to him so that we can hear his voice. If we are willing to listen and obey his command. Overall, the best Christian Dating Advice you can receive is to keep God at the center and let him lead you. God will never steer you wrong.
For some of us, this part of our lives requires some serious patience and trust in God. Here are some scriptures that you should meditate on.
Hebrews 10:36 (NLT)
Patient endurance is what you need now so that you will continue to do God’s will. Then you will receive all that he promised.
1 Corinthians 13:4 (NLT)
Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud.
Romans 8:25 (NLT)
But if look forward to something we don’t yet have, we must wait patiently and confidently.